


The Room

by theonlyconstant



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-08
Updated: 2011-12-08
Packaged: 2017-10-27 02:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/290453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonlyconstant/pseuds/theonlyconstant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your best friend is sick, it's your duty to comfort them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Room

“Hey dude,” Ted says softly, knocking lightly on the door. “You up?”

Barney rolls his head to look at Ted. “Yeah,” he says weakly.

Ted doesn’t really like hospitals much. They smell kind of funny and they’re too quiet. He’s glad Barney has his own room here, but he’s not glad that Barney is here.  
“How you doing?” he asks, walking over to the side of the bed. Barney is sitting upright, and he looks really small surrounded by all the equipment. He also looks really pale and exhausted. It’s strange seeing Barney in an oddly-patterned hospital gown, no sign of a suit anywhere.

Barney shrugs. “How well am I supposed to be doing?” he asks. “I’m in a lot of pain, mostly.”

“Dude they can give you something for that,” Ted says, resting his hands on the rail of Barney’s bed. “Marshall told me they told you that you don’t have to just wait out the pain.”

“I don’t like that stuff,” Barney says. “It makes my nose itch.”

Ted laughs, “So you’d rather be in pain and suffering than have your nose itch?”

“No,” Barney whines, and he sounds grumpy. “That stuff just makes me feel really off, and I don’t like it.”

Ted leans closer. “I think you like the pain,” he says solemnly.

Barney tries to shove at him but it’s a weak shove, one handed. “I do not,” he says.

“Oh, yes you do,” Ted says, poking him in the arm. “You’re such a sucker for pain.”

“No, I’m not,” Barney says, rubbing his arm where Ted poked him. “Stop saying that Ted, you’re kind of annoying me here and I’m the sick one, ok? See this bed? This room?” Barney raises his arm to show Ted his IV, stuck neatly in the crook of his elbow and taped down securely. “How about this, am I sick enough for you now?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Ted says, setting Barney’s arm back down. He knows that Barney is sick right now but seeing the IV in his arm makes him look even more sick, even more weak and vulnerable. He saw the machines around the bed but it didn’t register that Barney might be hooked up to some of them. He looks at the hanging bag connected to the IV.

“Relax, dude, it’s just saline,” Barney says. “You look a little green.”

“I’m not, I’m ok,” Ted says. It makes sense it’s just saline, that’s how they help keep you hydrated. He just had some thoughts about what it could be and it made him a little weak in the knees.

“You’re supposed to be asking if I’m ok,” Barney says.

“I did ask that,” Ted says. “But in case you didn’t catch it the first time, I’ll ask again. Are you ok?”

“No, not really,” Barney admits. “Besides the fact that I’m in a lot of pain, I haven’t even slept because this is the most uncomfortable bed in the world. And I swear they never fully turn the lights off around here. Also someone keeps coming in to check on me every few hours but they won’t give me anything to help me sleep because apparently my doctor didn’t prescribe it and he’s been off duty all night.”

“Wow, dude, I’m sorry,” Ted says, rubbing Barney’s arm. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I keep telling him the pain medicine will help him sleep but he just won’t listen to me,” says a female voice from behind them. She’s must be Barney’s nurse, Ted realizes, and she walks around him to check the machines Barney’s hooked up to.

“And I keep telling you, I’m not taking your stupid drugs because you’re just trying to take advantage of me,” Barney says to her, giving her a half-smile, half-leer. She reaches out and rolls something across Barney’s forehead.

“And I keep telling you I’m honestly not,” she says, looking at the rolling thing. “101, still a little high,” she says.

Barney looks at Ted. “She’s trying to take advantage of me,” he says, shrugging. “You know how it is.”

“I’m sure it is how it usually is,” Ted says. “I’m sorry if he’s bothering you,” he says to the nurse.

“He’s not,” she says with a smile. “You must be Ted.”

“Have you met Ted?” Barney asks.

Ted thumps his arm. “You’re late with that,” he admonishes. He extends his hand to the nurse. “Ted Mosby, the one and only,” he says.

She shakes his hand. “Julia, Barney’s nurse. Let me tell you, you’re practically famous around here. Barney won’t shut up about you.”

Ted steals a glance at Barney who appears to be blushing. “Famous, me?” he asks. “No way.”

“He’s been waiting for you to get here,” Julia says. “Maybe you can talk to some sense into him. He really should try to take some of the pain meds. The best thing we can do for him right now is pain management. He’s not going anywhere until the fever comes down.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Ted says as she leaves the room. He turns to Barney. “Dude, you must be pretty bad if even the nurse wants you to take the stuff.”

“Ok, listen, I’ll tell you the truth,” Barney sighs loudly. “The truth is I really want to take them. I’m in the worst pain of my life bro, sometimes I can barely breathe it’s so bad.”

“So? What’s the hold up?”

“Because when I do take them I get really talky and I say things. True things, things that are really embarrassing. And I haven’t wanted to say anything embarrassing around the nurses,” Barney explains.

Ted smiles at him. “Understandable,” he says, “but pretty stupid all the same.”

“That’s why you have to stay here, Ted, so I can take the stuff and not be in pain and you stay here and keep me from saying anything stupid.”

Ted laughs, “I can’t stay here all day, dude,” he says. “And I’m not usually able to prevent you from saying anything stupid.”

“You don’t have to stay all day,” Barney says, “can’t you just stay until I fall asleep? Then I’ll sleep through all the embarrassing stuff I might say.”

Ted checks his watch. “How long is that going to take, exactly?”

Barney gives him a serious look. “Dude, I am practically delirious from the pain and I haven’t slept in almost 24 hours. It shouldn’t take that long. Why, is there somewhere better you have to be?”

Not for several hours there isn’t. Ted cleared his schedule for the morning once he heard Barney was in the hospital. “I mean, yeah, I usually have better places to be than your hospital room but I think I can make an exception just this once,” he says.

“This isn’t my hospital room, this is my awesome room,” Barney says.

“Ok, now I know you need the drugs. Press the call button,” Ted says.

“I see we changed our mind,” Julia says when she walks back in holding the needle. Ted starts to feel a little woozy he again – he hates seeing needles go into people.  
“You better not pull any funny stuff here,” Barney says to her.

“I promise, nothing but the best for you,” Julia says, and Ted is relieved to see that the needle goes into Barney’s IV line and not his arm like he thought it was going to. He’s not really comfortable with all this medical stuff.

“That should get you to feel much better in just a few minutes,” Julia says, smiling while she leaves the room. Ted sits down in the chair at the end of Barney’s bed, facing him.

“So what kind of embarrassing truths are you going to tell me?” he asks.

“I don’t even know dude, but whatever it is promise you won’t hold it against me,” Barney says.

Ted laughs. “I promise you I will try really, really hard not to hold it against you.”

“I slept with Lily,” Barney says.

“What?!” Ted yells, rising from his chair.

Barney grins. “Ha – I was testing you. It’s not working just yet.”

“Oh,” Ted says, settling back down. “How do you know when it’s working?”

“I told you, my nose gets itchy,” Barney says.

“Strangest side effect I ever heard of,” Ted says.

“Talk to me dude, tell me something,” Barney says, shifting in his bed like he’s trying to get comfortable.

“What do you want to hear?” Ted asks.

“I don’t know, dude, tell me about your life, tell me about the women in your life or something,” Barney says.

“No women to talk about right now,” Ted says.

“Tell me about your job then,” Barney says.

Ted laughs. “Barney you don’t care about my job. Why do you want me to talk?”

“So I can fall asleep dude. I’m in an uncomfortable place, in an uncomfortable bed – I need something soothing.”

Ted checks his watch. “Why don’t we turn on the TV? Price is Right is on,” he suggests.

“Ooh, yay,” Barney says, clapping. “Let’s do that.”

Ted turns on the TV and shifts the chair so he can watch also. He’s slightly in front of Barney so he has to turn around to see him. Barney starts calling out answers at first but then starts to subdue, instead just making noises of affirmation when he thinks the contestants are right or shaking his head when they’re wrong. Ted looks over at him and sees Barney rubbing his face.

“Nose itchy?” he asks.

“I told you,” Barney says, petulantly.

“Tell me something else, then, something I don’t know,” Ted says turning back to the TV, hoping to get some blackmail material out of this.

“This is my third kidney infection,” Barney says.

“Dude, that doesn’t seem healthy,” Ted says.

“It’s not,” Barney agrees. “It’s not, I’m just really dehydrated all the time. I’m supposed to do something about it but I forget what.”

“Drink more fluids?” Ted asks.

Barney laughs. “Something like that. Apparently scotch doesn’t count.”

“I wouldn’t think that it does,” Ted says. “Tell me something else.”

“Te-ed,” Barney whines, reaching out to hit him with a floppy hand. He can barely even touch Ted. “You’re being mean to me because I told you I would tell you things and now you’re trying to trick me into telling you things.”

“I am not tricking you, I’m merely asking you. You choose whether or not to respond,” Ted reasons. “So tell me something else.”

“I want to cuddle,” Barney says.

Ted laughs. “You? Dude, you never want to cuddle.”

“With you, Ted, I want to cuddle with you,” Barney says. Ted just laughs even harder.

“Ok, now you’re fucking with me. You’re mad, and you’re fucking with me because I was fucking with you. I’m sorry, I’ll stop,” he says. He looks back at Barney, who is rubbing his face with both hands, fingers making a peak over his nose. He starts laughing again – maybe it’s really the funniest side effect ever.

“Stop laughing, start cuddling,” Barney says from under his hands.

“Seriously dude, why do you want me to cuddle you right now?” Ted asks.

“Because I’m trying to fall asleep, and Julia promised this would help me sleep but it’s not it’s just making my face numb so I could really use some cuddling,” Barney explains.

“Since when do you need cuddling to help fall asleep?”

“Since I have a kidney infection, spent the night in a hospital room and my back still kind of hurts even though I can’t really feel it right now.”

“I kind of think cuddling is against hospital rules,” Ted says. He’s still looking at the TV screen, where the show is wrapping up. He’s waiting for Barney’s smart aleck response, but he hears nothing. He figures Barney might be absorbed in the Showcase Showdown but he turns back to look at him anyway.

Barney is looking at him helplessly. It almost makes Ted uncomfortable because he hates seeing Barney helpless. He doesn’t know how to help him when he’s that way, doesn’t know what to do or how to solve the problems. He can’t solve this problem either, make Barney healthy or make him take better care of himself. He doesn’t know what to do.  
Then he sighs to himself. There’s one thing he can do.

He gets up from the chair and moves it away so he can get to the bed. He toes off his shoes and shakes the bed rail down so he can actually get into it. Barney scoots over and Ted is trying very carefully not to sit on top of any wires or tubes. It’s really weird trying to shift the blankets around to accommodate two people into one tiny twin sized hospital bed. As Ted rests on his side, pulling Barney towards him, he realizes how uncomfortable the bed is and how painful it must have been for Barney lying there all night with no help.

He reaches his arm around Barney, pulling him to press against his chest. Barney sighs contentedly.

“Thanks, dude,” he whispers.

“Believe me when I say I wouldn’t do this for anyone but you,” Ted says.

“I know.”

Ted reaches over for the control and turns the TV down so it’s just barely audible, in case Barney still wants the sounds of talking to help him sleep. Barney’s bare feet feel cold, so Ted moves his socked feet down to try and cover them, provide warmth. He doesn’t know how his feet can feel so cold when the rest of Barney feels so hot and feverish. Out of impulse he blows softly on Barney’s neck, as if cool air will magically cure him, or make him feel better, or at least make him fall asleep. Barney shudders, pressing back into Ted briefly then relaxing.

They just lie there in silence, Barney occasionally rubbing at his nose. Ted is trying to decipher if Barney has fallen asleep yet or not. He tries craning his head to see, but he can’t really see much of anything. He’s trying to gauge Barney’s breathing, which is slow and even except for the occasional sigh.

Ted doesn’t know how long they’ve been lying there for, just breathing together, when the door opens quietly. Internally he panics – who is going to walk in and see them doing this? Marshall, Lily, Robin? The doctor he hasn’t even met yet? Maybe if he hunches down enough he’ll disappear behind Barney.

He looks up to see nurse Julia, about to open her mouth to say something but she quickly closes it when she sees them. A smile spreads across her face as she quietly checks the monitors and writes down their numbers. She quickly rolls the thermometer across Barney’s forehead, checks the number and nods, pleased. She writes that down too, the turns to Ted.

“I knew you’d be able to get him to sleep,” she whispers softly.

All Ted can do is smile at her.


End file.
